5 things I want every woman in her 20s to know

(5 min read)

Inflection points – A very interesting translation from algebra to life, where the derivative switches signs from negative to positive or vice versa. The world and with it, several of our lives, are at such inflection points. From Malala being shot for trying to receive an education, to Jacinda Arden giving birth while in office. From Saudi women being allowed to drive, to abortion rights being revoked in the United States. As we absorb these changes, I’ve pondered upon my role as a woman, as a leader, as a human, and what I would want to pass along to the next generation so they can rise stronger. I imagine talking to a younger me, and a lot of reflection, yielded 5 inflection points that continue to define all my myriad roles in this life – daughter, sister, partner, mentor, mentee, leader & learner. So, here’s hoping my retrospective can help shape someone else’s perspective a little sooner:

1. Celebrate every woman’s choice and you will learn to love and celebrate yours – Centuries of religious and cultural maladaptation have led us to view things in black and white, to make pronouncements on some things as right and wrong – None more so than the expectations laid upon women, and women have participated in reinforcing those beliefs for the next generation, to validate their own choices. Everyone has a different test paper in life, and you can only choose the answers that are most authentic to you. So, if you can’t celebrate, at the very least, let’s suspend judgement on each other’s’ choice to – have or not have a career, children, marriage and let us be what makes us uniquely us. Be original and create your own blueprint! You are another woman’s and your best advocate – Live that advocacy.
2. Create your financial independence & retirement plans – Whether you make your own money, come from money, or have a partner who makes the money, invest in knowing everything you can about retirement plans, investment options and know where the collective finances are distributed. While hoping for the best, prepare for life handing you unexpected lemons – Loss of job, wealth, or loved ones. Know your bottom lines for a comfortable life and actively make yourself financially independent. I have seen too many smart women rely on their significant others and trust them with finances only to find themselves at a losing end when life’s circumstances shift to the unexpected.
3. Your integrity is the most precious thing you possess – Hone it and protect it – People with integrity are rare and irreplaceable.  Loved ones, religion, material possessions, can be great ancillary motivators, but our integrity alone provides us with that locus that etches our character and keeps us grounded. Integrity gives rise to several other positive behaviors – The ability to take accountability, to take criticism constructively, to never behave like a victim, to be able to think about our contribution to society, to be humble, to be authentic, to have courage. Surround yourself with people who have integrity, and you will grow with their optimism and authenticity. They understand that it is not worth compromising your integrity for money, position, power, validation, the primary causes for skirmishes in this human condition. And the more we practice it, the more we draw people like that into our lives – The ones who are beautiful inside and out!
4. Reproductive options – you have several – Evolutionally, women are required to make certain decisions, sometimes before we are ready. To settle for partners who don’t delight us, to take on the immense social and psychological pressure of procreation and put aside our individual calling. If you want to have some options and aren’t quite ready for that next step, then the best investment you can make in yourself (almost as important as a retirement plan) is to explore your reproductive options – remind yourself that to have or not have children is a uniquely personal and extremely rigorous undertaking. Thanks to advancement in science and technology, oocyte (egg) freezing, and embryo freezing are very viable options, in addition to adoption and of course choosing to have a child the old-fashioned way! I did not have the desire to be married and have kids in my 20s, but in my 30s I started to wonder what it would be like to be a mother. So, I chose to opt for oocyte freezing upon the advice of my amazing friend, Katie. It’s one of the best decisions I’ve taken and wish I’d done it sooner – It allows you the freedom to pursue your own path without the worry of a lost option. Cherry on top: While the process is rigorous and requires discipline, it is relatively short, simple and pain free! Make sure to explore financial support options from your employer’s health plan as well. I was blessed to be with an employer where 95% of my costs were covered. So, life – Here I come!
5. Challenge your limiting beliefs and step into your power – My great grandmother turned a 100 years old this week. She’s never set foot in a school, lives in a village in India by herself (Great grandpa passed away 30 years ago) with intermittent running water and electricity, and to this day, oversees a 1000-acre farm’s functioning. One summer, when I was 3, she told me to run for office. When I was 33, a 75-year-old, highly privileged and literate woman in a 1^st world country, with two homes and more comforts than most of India will ever see, told me – Women should be the silent strength behind their man; Hearing that limiting belief being propagated, was a wakeup call for me, harking me back to that summer with great grandma. So much of our power depends on the quality and limits of our thoughts – Let’s challenge our self-limiting beliefs when we have the privilege to do so. There is too heavy a price to be paid for privileged silence today, when there are women in other parts of the world, speaking up, letting their integrity be known, and being shot for it. We owe them our strength in voice and in action. It has never been more important for us to step into our individual power and use our privilege to give voice to our strength – Whether at home, at work, or anywhere else.

As I navigate my journey, still creating my own blueprint, I strive to stand for my integrity. I find myself evolving my journey inside to match the journey outside, finding myself still hungry for transformation at every stage. I am still becoming, self-introspecting and finding more empathy and forgiveness for those who taught me critical lessons along the way. I want the next generation of women to learn faster than I did, find courage more consistently than I did. Blaze the trail for their next generation so bright, that society grows by leaps and bounds – Have the voice the generations before us couldn’t and paid the emotional price for; The voice that many women in parts of the world still wish they had – And most importantly, stand up for each other every day. In our unity, lies our strength.